Written by Amelia
Beautiful right? The colours of a coffee plants are so rustic and…wholesome. Belying the energetic jolt they can induce.
Before I begin, let me just say how much I love the smell and comforting warmth of coffee. It’s honestly one of my favourite things, to start the morning putting the kettle on, preparing my french press, patiently waiting for the beans to steep for the perfect amount of time. Or walking early to my favourite coffee shop, to be greeted with the hypnotic smell that brings to mind memories of grandma’s cookies.
So why would I quit my favourite thing? The reason is that this love is rather an abusive relationship, it takes more than it actually gives. For years, I have dealt with low level anxiety, and coffee, despite it’s comforting hug at the beginning, bashes the crap out of my heart, my brain, my sleep, and my self-worth afterwards. For me, it’s a hit at the beginning followed by a slow and long release of emotions and energies that kicks me about, a lot.
My body never really rests, sleep isn’t as deep as it should be, I wake up tense and my shoulders only get more tense as the day goes on. This is all internal, other than the RAPID fire speech I already have going up a notch, colleagues are always amazed at how calm I am……
After years of kidding myself, I really do need to quit. Coffee is a socially acceptable drug, nothing nearly as awful as the hard drugs out there, but it is still messing my system up enough to actually impact my life.
Coffee is my upper and depending on how wired I am at the beginning of the day, Alcohol is sometimes used as the downer. So starts a little spiral in which I am always rather wired or tired, which means I need regular naps to try and recalibrate. Easily done during COVID and working from home, but as the world slowly starts to ease back into offices, I don’t think employers will appreciate my naps.
(Also, Reuters just had an article stating that devastating frosts have impacted Brazil and COVID has impacted freight, so coffee is about to get even more expensive)
This is day one. Yeah, it really is. In a few weeks, I’ll post how it’s all been going, where the pitfalls were and what the hardest moments were. The thing I will need to focus on the most is that I quit before (so I can do it) but I need to deal with the issues that made me start again, and a lot of that was social niceties. EVERYONE seems to drink coffee so….what else will I be able to do when “let’s go out for a coffee” isn’t an option?